Maybe This is a Bullshit Attitude

26 - 05 - 2020

The temptation to write about what's happened over the last however many days/weeks is huge, but what is there to say that hasn't already been said? Is there anything more to even write about it? There is of course my perspecitve, but honestly I don't know what to write. How we got here has already been rehashed countless times, and I often go back and forth about how we should go forward. But again, what does my opinion matter? Even to those around me ( my daughter certainly doens't care).

Life goes on, this will pass and we may or may not have a democracy more broken than it already is. Either way, we are fortunate ones who are privliaged enough, or healthy enough to know and be the people who simply endured this period of time and managed to keep working.

I can think that in my best moments. When I can pull myself back from the dispair I feel listening to the news. When I can pull myself back from the thought that there will never be another Bluegrass jam at Dusty Strings or Conor's. Or that we'll never be able to arrange another play date for our daughter. That we'll never be able to go to the office again, and just to get a little bit space from those you love and live with everyday.

The news is a constant source of anger. Of Republican maleficence, and general over-reaction. Like I said, I go back and forth on what the next steps are. At some point things have to reopen, because the chances of the goverment saying: "Hey we need to stick this out a little longer, so we're going to take care of you, and your business, and your employees" is nill.

I wear a mask out in public, even though, after 45 minutes are so my anxiety is though the roof and feel like I'm ready to explode. But then I revel in the feeling of taking off the mask once the groceries are in the car and the engine is running. And. If I'm being completely honest I wear it to make others more comfortable and avoid the ire of Seattlites who like to tell you what to do. Consider it my contribution to the social fabric.

Is that a bullshit attitude to have? Maybe, but we all do things we don't like, and I can recognize my own bullshit and hopefully hold myself account. An attitude you don't see a lot of from those out "protesting" and their freedom to get a fucking hair cut.

And still, there's a part of me that feels I need to do it, to get this over with more quickly, that we can better fight to make sure the new normal is closer to the ideal than this one is, and much further away from the one Trumplicans want. After all, I trust the opinions of medical professionals more than I trust the words of a politican.

I know there's a tension in all of this, but what can I say, I contain multitudes. You do too and it's okay to acknowledge that.